The Abyss (a writer's side note)

 

MY sincerest apologies for my absence. I have had a few things that needed my attention. A little soul searching and a little more soul searching. I had to examine my heart for a moment. I have been reaching an interesting epiphany. Do I keep writing or should I stop? What determines a successful writer? I got published through a house and that what I wanted but now what?

If that’s not a blinking cursor on the screen, then I don’t know what is. But without writing and creating I feel empty. Emptier than when I was a register jockey, much hallower than when I worked a bunch of temp jobs and most certainly unfulfilled as when I was selling items.

Writing gives me purpose and a sense of self but how do I become successful? If I become more successful will that satisfy me? Will I have finally proved myself to all the nay sayers?

On second thought, why should I have to prove anything to anyone else but myself? It’s been written that if you stare long enough into the abyss, it stares back into you. It comes to reason that if the abyss is apart of you, then that abyss is full of you instead of yawning emptiness. My throwing things into it to sill it is irrelevant because it’s already full. What exactly is full it of is creation or at least the idea of creation.

I can create anything I want out of that abyss and now I think I need to create a future. Nay a vision of my next step.

What to do with the abyss?

Simple. I will create.

The Noonday Mission: The In

The carpet was a dark red shag with cigarette butts and chewing gum littered about. It vaguely reminded me of the floor of an unwashed theater with an even stickier floor. a dog wandered about hungrily with its head hung low. The living room was huge with sofa’s lining the walls. Discarded humans crowded them in various states of undress. A haze of cheap cigarettes mixed with the smell of stale urine hung in the room. I followed my lead into the kitchen. I plopped myself down at the table beside a man smoking meth and arguing with his girl friend over the price of dried meat in Madagascar.

“It’s under fifty cents.” The man said through a huff. He flicked his matted dreads away. “They have an open market and less government, Racheal.” The pixied purple haired girl nodded.

“But is it safe? Has it been tested for parasites or anything?” He took a big swing of a beer. I noticed a scar of an X that spanned the right side of his face.

“Who cares?” He puffed up.

“People avoiding Ebola or salmonella,” I remarked pulling a flask out of my back pocket. He stared at me for a moment.

“I never heard of anyone getting those there.” He remarked arrogantly.

“I mean, it’s probably because they die, don’t report it and call it natural causes.” He snorted and geared up for another hit.

“See Derick!? That’s what I was saying.” He lost focus of his original point to focus on his next hit. “I’m Rachel. First time here?”

“Yeah, I heard this was the place to be. This town man,” I sighed and lit a cigarette. “Too squeaky clean and Stepfordy.”

“Right?!” Racheal agreed enthusiastically. “It’s so uptight.”

“I went out for a cup of coffee and woman covered her child’s eyes,” I said with disgust. Only half truth but my tee shirt DID have a middle finger on it. “Like, there’s no where to just be free.”

“That’s why I like it here so much,” Racheal said leaning in. ”I can do whatever I want and there’s no judgement. I haven’t seen you here before.” Her brown eyes narrowed slightly. I really hope she’s too high to ask questions.

“Yeah I’m new to this town. I came with Sam. I go by the name Smith,” I pointed out my lead and he raised his glass in my direction. “I needed to get out and hang a bit. I haven’t been out much since moving.” Her eyes widened and she smiled.

“How’d you guys meet?”

“Fun story! I do some freelance work with henna and tats.” Rachel’s eyed got big for a moment. “It’s nothing to complicated but its fun.” I might be able to use Rachel to blend in better. “Do you have any?” I inquired.

“I just have the one on my wrist. I haven’t really found another one that I want to invest in.” WE started talking about different tattoos and style she wanted. I asked her if she wanted me to tat her up. She smiled largely and then started to explain her ideas on tattoos. She wanted a sleeve of the classic movie monsters, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Sketching those out are no problem but pulling the perfect butterfly was an issue. I asked if she wanted to here and she preferred that.

The next day I came back to the house which was full of people once more and a party was going on. I now have the chance to cut down chit chat and focus on my environment. It’s easy enough with the music being loud. I noticed several people with x marks across their faces. It couldn’t be a coincidence.  I watched the people around me carefully.  It’s even easier with the sketching. I came in with my kit. We sat down in the kitchen and started my outline.

I spend endless nights watching Vincent Price, Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney senior and Junior and of course Boris Karloff terrorizes villages of people laced in black and white. I have every makeup and face permanently etched inside my mind. Before long, people started to surround us watching me work my magic. I added in graceful splashes of color to add contrast. There was this slimy thin man watching me carefully work.

His eyes were too close together and he looked like he hadn’t showered in days. He wore a pair of dirty jeans and a wife beater that looked like he had been working on his car. His skin tone looked as if it was soaked in tea. This dark brow hair and eyes looked as if they too had seen better days. He must be one of the people being fed on. People commonly lose their luster after prolonged feedings.

“It’s rude to stare,” I said while dipping my pen in another pot. Racheal looked around and everyone stopped. “You look like you have a question.” Rachel’s face dropped when she realized who I was talking to. I turned to the rat face man. “My I assist you?” I kept my face blank and stared directly at him. He stared at me long and hard for a moment in a silent game of chicken. A smile spread across his face.

“Nice ink. What did your say your name is?”

“I’m Smith and you?”
“Carlos.” He said shortly while fetching a beer out of the fridge. “Those are some very interesting.”

“Thanks, I mix my own.” I wiped up a bit of my work. Rachel remained very still like a rabbit praying that the predator doesn’t see them.

“What do you use?”

“Mainly some plants. Some of them have some great pigment.”  A light sparked behind his hollow eyes.

“Is it difficult at all?”

“Not for me but sometimes it does take a couple of days especially if it’s a custom job.” I kept focus on the eyes of Lugosi. “But custom jobs are my specialty.”

“What do you mean by specialty?” Who was this guy? Why is everyone edgy. Maybe this was L’roi. “Typically, with ash remains of loved ones. I have a blending process that I’ve worked hard on.” Rachel opened her mouth to talk. “No Rachel, I’m not using that blend on you,” I said winking.  “Just a synthetic- promises.” He huffed a huh and left the room. Rachel released a sigh of relief. “You, ok? Do you need a break?” She shook her head no.

“I’m sorry that’s Devi’s right-hand man. He totally creeps me out.”  I noticed that people were starting to talk again and come back into the kitchen.

“It looks like you’re not the only one.” She looked to make sure he was gone. Leaning in to whisper to me, “He’s crazy, he makes the inner circle perform blood sports in order to get in.” Inner circle? Damn. That means this isn’t going to be straight shot to L’roi. “You see the x slashes on some people faces? That’s the inner circles mark.” I did my best to look confused. “And you see the burn marks on the arms?” That I hadn’t noticed. “Those are the ones who failed the blood sports but still proved their loyalty to become henchmen.” I leaned back. Lawlessness had a downside. Despite the fact you were free to do as you please, that meant so were other people. Bad news for those who didn’t have an army.

 

The Noonday Mission: Part 1

 

The first thing I remember is the smell. Nothing can ever prepare you for the wall of rotting decay that wafted from that house. It was the first assignment with my shiny blue badge and with the burning taste of bile sitting in the back of my throat, I was learning to regret the new taste of freedom.

I was tracking down one of the seven deadly sins. By all facts this sucker was the least desirable to hunt. We called them Sloths. Not for their slowness but because they lived and breathed all things filthy. Most participants of the symbiotic relationships provide dirt and ruinous behavior for the suckee. Mostly these poor people are victims of secondary kills. Meaning a breakdown in the immune system causes people to fall victim to one of the following: diphtheria, sepsis, and the rare but incredibly oozy Gangrene. Rumor had it that he was apart of the Seven deadly sins gang.

The seven deadly sins are a crime organization that works in the trafficking of humans to feed the members of the syndicate and trade for drugs. It was much like any crime-based organization. However, this one fed strictly off people indulging within the seven deadly sins while making a buck.  Thankfully, it looked like drugs could be my in. IF I was lucky, I’d be picking off a lesser sucker while keeping my identity on the low.

His name was originally Edelman L’Roi. He’d changed his name to Devi to give insult to all the divine. He lived his life as a demon of filth. In his Victorian house he’d allow people to defecate and urinate in the corners of the rooms leaving piles of waste for his dogs to eat. Women on their period were encouraged to leave their menstrual waste in the red room. He would use the full buckets to paint layers on to the wall.

I was tasked to infiltrate the home and gather a list of the infected. If possible, I’d place an electro magnetic field disrupter on or in his person. The EMFD was a small needle like device that would stop the possessor from using their electro magnetic frequency to attach on to their victim’s field. It’s a highly successful device when implanted early in the Sucker’s career. I chopped off my hair, buzz cut the underside and dyed it black. I got fake piercings and temporary face tattoos to help me better fit the part. Jester on the other hand decided on a more leather daddy.

Blending in is something I’m good at. My glamor is very good, but the hardest part is keeping the eyes the same color all the time. To save myself the effort I use contacts. Glamor can only last about three hours. That’s why I work so hard to alter my physical traits, they last longer and it’s not as easy to lose cover. I wore an old pair of jeans and a grungy Judas priest tee shirt that had met with a bleach. I had on black lipstick and put in blue contacts. I looked very different from the blond hair and brown eyed gal I had been.

L’Roi’s home was a two-story Victorian that had been painted red. There were two dogs chained to the columns barking at passersby. The word on the street is that he had killer weed and ecstasy. The funny thing about street drugs is that they had little to no effect on my kind. The worst thing that weed can do is kill migraine pain and ecstasy only acts like a low dose of Xanax.

My line is that I was looking to score, I could trade for giving tattoos and piercings.  This I had heard was a good practice. I wasn’t ready for the wall of rot I walked into. The entry way was the cleanest that I’d seen. I had thought for a moment, maybe this assignment wouldn’t be so bad. As I made my way into the living room, I came to the realization that the reports were far from exaggerated.

Enter Sandman Part 8: The finale

 Part eight

I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for Jade to see Jester and I walking with this disheveled man to our home base. From what I have been told it’s not something that has ever been done. We are never to be seen. I had to take a chance. Jade’s mouth was open as she stared at us. “Is Damon awake yet?” I asked.

“Nope, still out cold.” Jade said finally closing her mouth. “Uh, what’s going on?” I filled in vague points. Her mouth twisted into a frown.

“Jade, what I’m going to do is about to be a gamble.” I walked over to our kit bags and pulled out my phone. I punched in a code to Phipps. “The less you know the better. Maybe you can feen ignorance.” A few beeps went through and then a voicemail message. “Hi Phipps, this is Trinity. We’re on the Sandman stake out and a unique scenario popped up. Please call me back before the next team is dispatched.” I hung up and turned to the sandman. “I’m sorry, I just realized that I never asked your name.”

“It’s Joel.”

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m-“

“In trouble.” A cold voice rung through the air. “Mrs. Smith, can you enlighten me as to the words ‘surveillance duty’ mean?”

“I-“

“Because it looks to me that you took matters in your OWN hands.”

“Yes, no… Kind of?”

“Do you not have an answer for me?” He mocked coyly as he plucked each word from the air in his German accent. The moon came out and glinted off his silver hair. His stillness unsettled me deeply.

“I have answers for you! They are just not easy ones. How did you get here so fast?”

“I move in mysterious ways. I don’t have to answer to the student.” He was calm cool and collected. God, that irritated me about him.

“You don’t have to answer to me?” Anger bubbled up. “You’re absolutely correct you don’t have to answer to me for anything. But I did something that none of your active agents were able to do over the time span of a couple of months.”

“And that gives you the right to go off script and in danger your entire team?”

“The only person that was in danger was me. I was the one who made the call. The others left me to my own devices. If there is anyone to blame, it’s me.”

“Oh, it was only you?” Jester stepped forward.

“No sir, I assisted. I could have stopped her at anytime and I didn’t. Jade and Damon had nothing to do it. We kept Jade on surveillance while we chased a lead.”

“And Damon had nothing to say about this?” Jester and I both looked at the lump of clothing and glitter.

“Well…” we said in unison.

“On the other hand, I don’t want to know.” He straightened his cufflinks. “An interesting story, I’m sure. I’ll get to him later. Failure to follow rules has consequences.”

“Then I’ll turn in my badge. But please help this man, he doesn’t understand what he’s going through or what he did, he just needs help. It wasn’t his fault.” I know I’m going down. I must help the sandman. Not all the vampires are guilty monsters.

“Just that easy for you? This is supposed to be a learning experience.”

“And we’ve been learning.” I defended.

 “Strange since, I’ve been listening through your com pieces. Why don’t you inform me on what exactly you’ve been learning?” Jester took a double take at Phipps.

“So, you could have at anytime stepped in and stopped us?” Phipps didn’t blink. “Then why are you reprimanding us when you could have stopped at any time?” He tilted his head a moment.

“I wanted to see what would happen.”

“I still defend; we learned.” I put my hands on my hips. I am not going to budge until I get this man some help.

“And what did you learn Smith?”

“I learned to make a choice and break down logic evidence and find a lead.” Phipps blank face cracked to reveal a smile. “How many of the other teams have done that?”

“None,” he said politely. “That’s why they are still in training.”

“So why are we in trouble?”

“You’re in trouble because you are no longer in surveillance. Which retrospectively is more me in trouble than you.”  Jester’s mouth dropped open and he looked puzzled. I looked at Jester and then waved my hand in front of his face.

“Great sir, I think you broke him.”

“Gets confused easily, does he?” Phipps German accent leaked through in a lilt. Phipps Shrugged lightly, “I mean to say, maybe these exercises aren’t challenging enough for you and- uh.”

“Jester.”

“Yes, Jester. I have a specialized program for agents in training who show problem solving potential.”

“So, you don’t want my badge?”

“I do actually. But I have a new one for you both with higher security clearances.”  He pulled out two badges that had a light blue tinge. Jester snapped out of his confusion and snatched up the badge.

“OOO! SHINY!” Jester said as he bit into it. “Oh shit, Trin! I think it’s real!” I pulled my badge out and handed it to Phipps.

“So can we help Joel?” He handed me my new one. Phipps eyed Joel who had been chatting with Jade. Jade was explaining that Damon was going to wake up soon.

“Yes, as a matter of fact there’s a group of people already on the way to help him.” I pocketed my badge. “Good call by the way, offering him help.”

“It’s not a good call, it was the only call. He didn’t know and maybe we can help Cami get better sooner.”

“Other agents would have just offed him and called it a day.” I paused for a moment. He could very well been right but how many other people would have suffered.

“Going to bed with a clean conscience is important to me,” I remarked. “If I pull a trigger it will be because I had no other choice, not because I couldn’t tell the difference between a monster and someone who needs help.”

“Good mind set to have.”

“Suckers don’t have to be the monsters we make them out to be if we can only listen long enough to stop them becoming that.” He reflected on my words.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!” Damon’s voice rang out as he stumbled out in a pink dress.

“So, why exactly is he dressed up like princess peach?” Phipps remarked quizzically.

Enter Sandman part 7

 

“When people get sick, they drain energy from any available resource. Even though you don’t know it, you’ve been taking lifeforce energy to survive. This why you haven’t gotten any sicker.” I let the words float in the air. His eyes were searching, and he shook his head. “It’s not anything you’ve done intentionally.”

“I don’t believe in that type of thing.” He grumbled.

“It doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not, it’s just the way things are right now.” He looked at me sharply deciding if I was lying or not. “Have you been feeling ill? Or nauseous?”

“No, I haven’t. But there must be some mistake.”

“I kind of doubt that.” I paused and leaned forward. “You’ve been feeding on people at night and those people are getting sick as a result. Let me help you.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Listen, if you don’t take what I’m offering someone is going to send somebody to make sure you don’t do this anymore.”

“I’m closest to the place I was happiest and that’s where I want to end my life,” his sadness quickened to anger.  “I get to see the life we should’ve had every day, and I can find peace watching over that family and their children!”  I’m going to hate myself for this but it’s the only way I can convince him.

“Would those children happen to be named Rupert and Camilla?” He stood still as stone. An inky black took over his eyes and his aura changed to pure lightening. I had to tread carefully.

“How did you know that?”

“Please take a breath and-“

“How did you know that!?” He said in a growl. Jester as if out of darkness put a hand on his shoulder.

“Just listen.” He said in a quiet voice. The energy calmed only slightly but the whites of his eyes remained.

“Camilla is in the hospital. “He put his head in his hands and sobbed.

“Oh my god, Cami.” He whimpered. “You mean to tell me I did this?”

“Yes, I said with a sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m … a monster.” He said shrinking down to a pile of bones and clothing.

“Listen, you didn’t know.”

“How can I even live with myself!? I thought I was protecting them!”

“From who?” Jester queried.

“Perverts and prowlers. The parents aren’t the most attentive. The go out at night and leave the door unlocked.” He nibbled on his fingers. “There was one I threw through a fence once. He was trying to get in Cami’s room.”

“That didn’t strike you as odd? That you, a dying man could attack someone with such force?”

“I thought it was adrenaline. But it doesn’t matter, does it? I’ve done something terrible.”

“I’m sure there’s a way to save Camilla.”  I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I couldn’t take the risk of being drained.

“You sure you’re not just saying that?”

“I’m not that nice of a person.”  

“You got that right,” Jester snickered under his breath.

“It’s a long shot but I’ve read about these therapies and techniques that can be used to help give the energy back and help you retain your abilities without hurting anybody.”

“What do you mean abilities? Was the super strength the only thing?”

“No, far from it. But we have people who can help you.”

“And Cami?” He asked kindly.

“I’ll do everything I can to help Cami.”

“Promise?” I nodded and smiled. “What do I have to do?”

“Come with us and we will help you.”

“Can I have some more coffee?” He asked standing up and collecting his things.

“I think I can manage that.”

Enter Sandman part 6

  “It all started when my wife got sick. Before the treatments, she was a tour de force of vitality. I remember when I first met her a yoga retreat. She must have had a hundred daises in her hair. Her smile lit up my world. I thought that I knew happiness before when I was developing properties, but Meredith was a whole another level. I even got out of the property industry so we could start a family. “He sighed as he lit his cigarette. Despite his shaggy appearance his eyes were clear. “I was called crazy for leaving but I would have done it all over again in an instant. “Looking at him I almost felt enchanted.

“Meredith was everything to me. We tried for years to have children. She was devastated that we were struggling. So, wondering what was going on we went to the doctor. That’s when I discovered that she had cancer. I held her hand through every treatment. I spend endless nights by her side just praying that she might make it through…” he trailed. “I’m sorry.” He shut his eyes tightly then blinked again.

“No, it’s okay. You’re allowed to feel emotional.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just a lot.”

“So, what happened to Meredith?”

“The treatments didn’t work. But that’s not the kicker.” He let out a coughing wheeze. “While she was undergoing treatment. I started to get ill. I hadn’t been eating or drinking or even sleeping properly. I blamed it on the stress until I collapsed in the hospital cafeteria. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I was told they ran panels and found out I had cancer and my organs were starting to fail.”

“I can’t imagine how hard that was,” I said while a newly arrived Jester poured us coffee from a thermos.

“The plus side is that Meredith and I got to have our treatments together. The only difference is that I was getting better. They even gave us a room and put our beds together. The day she died, I climbed in bed with her and held her until she was gone. Despite all the chemicals and the hospital smells, I swear I still smelt daisies in her hair.”     We sat in silence for a moment while he munched on some food. He still looked gaunt and sickly. He lit up another cigarette and sighed.

“The day we finally got to inter her ashes; I was sent home but then I found out there was nothing to go home too. Apparently, the company I worked for was sick of waiting for me to heal and decided to terminate me. They said I had to move from the apartment that they allowed me to staying in but I couldn’t afford to live anywhere. The treatments had drained our bank accounts. I only managed to have enough for final expenses for Meredith.”

“That’s shitty! Why did they think that was okay?”

“Back in the day, I probably would’ve done it too. Hell, maybe I had. Anything for a buck you know?”

“I guess. It’s still pretty heartless.”

“I thought I could make it to the homeless shelter of use one of the assistance programs. But I got the news that I had not gotten better at all. I’m dying.”

“You’re dying? Then why stay here?”

“Yeah, all that trouble and god couldn’t even take us out at the same time.”  He gave a throaty chuckle. I felt a strong of guilt for handing him the pack of cigarettes. “I couldn’t stay in the graveyard with Meredith. So here was the next best thing.”

“How long ago was that?”

“They gave me a month four months ago.” This was the sandman. “I don’t understand why I’m still alive.”

“I think I can answer that.”  Now it was my turn to light a cigarette. “But I don’t think you are going to like the answer.”

Enter Sandman part 5

  

Together Jester and I figured out a probable feeding time. We would go to the alley behind the apartments. I would come up one end and Jester the other. Sure, it was dangerous for us to be alone, but I was in yelling distance of my back up.

The back corridors of the complex had a completely different feel then the soft courtyard. It wasn’t designed to be homey or comforting. It reminded me of Freddy Krueger’s hang out. Steam flared up from various piping, leaving blackened wet spots on the pavement. Walking carefully, I noticed the deafening silence. The air felt long dead. Even in the chill of the evening, nothing shook.

“As my guitar gently weeps…” the song sounded as if I was surrounded in it. I was getting closer. A few lines hung in a softened hum. Jester would be walking toward me if the worst should happen. I had no gear on me to subdue, just my wits and in this spooky situation; I’m pretty sure those would fail me too.

I was stepping closer to a big bustle of steam filled with the smell of fresh linen and sunflowers. I can’t see anything! Panic rose in my throat. “I don’t know WWWWWHHYYYYY….” A face appeared in the steam. I froze and clung to one thing. BAM! My fist flung out with wicked fast accuracy. The face fell into the steam while I gathered myself. A brief wind brushed away some of the steam to reveal a disheveled man groaning in pain. “Why did you do that?!” He said trying to get up.

 

“Do you make a habit of walking around in creepy places?” I said while rubbing my fist. “What are you doing here?”

“I- I sleep here,” he stuttered shamefully. “Its always warm and no comes back here. I can usually hide if people are coming!” He brushed off his clothing. The breeze came up again blowing the steam again to show a tip of a sleeping bag near a stack of boxes.

“What are you doing-“I paused. “I mean, how to you get to be-“

“a bum?”

“No, Homeless.” I realized how that sounded. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.”

“It’s okay, I rarely ever get talked to these days let alone get asked.” He rubbed his face and check his nose to make sure nothing he broken. “You got a hell of a right hook; anyone tell you that?”

“It’s one of my few saving graces.”

“What the hell happened?” Jester arrived just in the nick of time.

“Want a cup of coffee?” I asked. “Or a sandwich?” The man began to ho hum. “Please, let me make this right. Have a cup of coffee with me and we’ll be even.”  He nodded in ascent. “Um, J-man could you…” He was already gone.

“You make a habit of walking around back alleys?”

“Only just recently.” I pulled up a stray crate and sat down. “It’s January, shouldn’t you be in a shelter? Or somewhere a bit warmer?”

“I don’t want to leave this place, it’s the only place I’ve ever known happiness.” I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “Can I bum a smoke?”

“I will if you tell me your story.”

He eyed me warily. “Tell you what, give me half your pack and you got yourself a deal.”

“Only if you have a cup of coffee with me too, “ I smiled and handed him the pack. “I’m a raging insomniac.”